HIV/AIDS Weekend

This weekend was the HIV/AIDS weekend. We had a couple speakers on AIDS and then we went to visit a tradional healer. That was a little crazy because the lady stated that she talked to spirits and they showed her how to heal the people that came to see her. A couple people said they were really scared of her and that they could feel the spiritual warfare...I thought she was just a crazy, old confused lady. The lady confessed to being a Christian, but believed that the spirits she talked to were on the same level as Jesus. I don't agree w/ her, but it was an interesting experience to have. They danced and sang for us and ended up pulling a couple of us up with them to dance. It was so much fun!

The next day we visited an organization that takes in a couple familes that have AIDS and helps them by providing housing and food. All of the families we met didn't have dads because they had all died from AIDS. One of the familes was headed by a 16 year old girl that took care of her four younger sisters because both of her parents had died. Another one of the familes had a girl that was born with no shoulder bones. She couldn't use or even barely move her arms, so she did everything with her feet. When she was born her father told her mother that she must either kill the girl or he would divorce her. When the mother refused, the father kicked her out and sent the little girl and her older sister to live with their grandpa. The grandpa would sit the little girl out on the road hoping that she would be hit by a car, but the older sister would hide without the grandpa knowing and save her sister each time a car came. The mother eventually came back and got her girls when she found out what was happening and that was when she came to get help from this organization. A lot of the people in the camp had malaria because the HIV deteriorates their immune system so much that they can't fight the virus. We ate with them and played with them and it was a lot of fun, but really sad.

We learned a lot about Anti-Retro Virals (ARV's) that can prolong a persons life indefinately who has HIV/AIDS. The thing is that they are so expensive that many Ugandans can't afford them. We in the United States have insurance and other ways of getting these meds. Until recently the United States was suplementing the costs of these ARV for the Ugandans, but only if they would buy them from U.S. manufacturers. The thing with that is that the ARV are cheaper from other countries, so by doing the Ugandans a favor we were actually making them pay more. I believe this has been resolved as of recently, but it just seems so unfair. In the words of Bono, why should where we live affect whether we live? It shouldn't! Why should people in America get the medicine they need for AIDS, but people in Africa are left to suffer and die? If we are all made in the image of God, shouldn't we all get the same treatment...why does the fact that these people are from Africa make any difference? They are still children of God...and they should be treated as such.

So...About the Safari

So the morning I woke up for the safari I had a bad feeling. It was one of those feelings that you just push aside, but a bad feeling none the less. When I woke up I crawled out of my bottom bunk and hit Kate, who sleeps above me. From her moaning I could tell she wasn’t doing too well. Turns out she was REALLY sick…which meant all duties of the safari fell to me. We were actually scared that she had malaria, but we gave her a blood test and it was negative. Everything was a little hectic because w/ Kate sick I had to walk down to the market to pick up groceries, take a shower because I walked to town to get groceries, and collect everyone’s money for the trip. As I was getting my things together to go, I hear Bethany in the bathroom. It confused me a little because she wasn’t supposed to be out class yet. When I went in she was covering her mouth and when I asked what was wrong she dropped her hand to reveal a HUGE swollen lip. She thinks she might have been allergic to a cat she petted. Anyway, her lip was huge and getting bigger by the minute. Thank goodness, last minute Kate decided she felt well enough, after sweating out a fever, to go. And Bethany took some benedryl and gave it a couple hours and the swelling went down (but not before I took some pretty hilarious pictures of her).

We all jumped in the coaster bus and took off. A few hours into the journey we stopped at the equator for a bathroom break. One of the guys, Daniel, stepped off the bus…and pooped his pants, literally. Luckily we always have plastic bags handy. We got back on the road and were almost to the park when the coaster died in the middle of the road. And remember…we are almost to a national park, which means there are wild animals roaming free everywhere. Our amazing bus driving, Jeremiah finally gets the bus running again after a scary twenty minutes we are off again. We kept driving…and driving…and driving…TEN HOURS after beginning our journey we arrived at the park. We pulled up to a gate only to find no one in the gate house, so we sat for about twenty minutes waiting on a guy to show up just to tell us we were in the wrong place. Next gate, same thing, only this time we found the right place. We pull in to what looks to be the place we are supposed to stay, but nope, wrong place. By now it is 1:30 am. We finally find the place we are supposed to stay only to discover that the person in charge of the keys isn’t there…and we get a lecture for showing up so late. Well, they can’t do anything for us so…we sleep on the coaster. Twenty of us sleep on a bus…it was the most uncomfortable night of my life. There was no room to get comfortable so we just had to sleep sitting up. Between snoring, laughing, and people jumping out of the windows to go pee, I probably got a total of three hours sleep.

At 6 am the next morning, we headed out for our first game drive. I got really sick, probably from lack of sleep, it being so early, and being in a car, so I slept through most of the drive. I did see a bunch of lions on a rock though, that was pretty cool. After that we had breakfast at a canteen in the park. When we climbed off the bus at the canteen we had been on that stinking coaster bus for 21 ½ hours! It actually kinda felt like home. We finally got to our hostel and climbed into bed. After putting everyone to sleep by reading “Peter Pan” I finally fell asleep…for a wauping thirty minutes. We got everyone together and headed out for our boat ride. The boat ride was pretty amazing. Not only was it beautiful, but I got to see hippos, crocodiles (don’t worry dad, none chased me), and a bunch of birds. When we came back to our hostel we snuck up to the really nice, ritzy lodge. Because we were white we just blended in and they thought we were staying there, so they were really nice to us. They ended up getting a dessert bar together for us for $3 a person, it was pretty amazing. Finally we got back to the hostel and passed out.

Sunday morning, we were up at 6:15 am. We drove out on our second game drive and saw lions, hyenas and some pretty majestic mountains. I’m not going to lie; I slept for about half of this drive too. Back to the park we went to have breakfast at a picnic table next to the lake. We headed out at around 11 am. With no problems, just a few bathroom breaks (one of which I peed in a bathroom that had no toilet and no roof, in the rain) we arrived back at school at 8:53 pm (I know the exact time because we were all taking bets).

I must say that inspite of all the set backs that happened on the trip, it was pretty amazing. When you sleep with people on a bus it sure does bond you all together. The park was beautiful and we actually could walk through it and see warthogs, mongoose, and waterbucks…close enough to touch. It was the best safari I have ever been on for $30, that’s for sure! I’m kinda getting into this whole roughing it thing. On the bus home I realized how happy I am. I’m in the middle of Africa w/ a bunch of people I only met 2 ½ months ago and I am so happy. I feel God’s presence here and I know that I’m not alone. I guess I’m just realizing that no matter where I go, God is right there w/ me…and it’s pretty amazing.

P.S. On the way home we stopped at a gas station and they were selling grasshoppers and one of the boys bought them...and I ATE ONE!! Yup, I ate a fried grasshopper...it was disgusting!

What is happening to me?

(Excert from my Journal 8 Nov. 2006)

It finally hit me. Everything finally hit me tonight. It started yesterday in Faith and Action when Mark handed our applications for the program back. When I read it I remembered how much passion I had before I came here. It struck me that I didn’t feel a passion for almost anything anymore.

Tonight Chris, from Invisible Children, came and talked with a couple of us. He showed this video twice and both times I couldn’t help but cry. All of a sudden I felt a hint of my passion come back. I want to do something for you God. I want to make a difference in this world for you. The girls got all excited because we could go on our roadtrip and show the movie at churches as we go. I got all these ideas about talking to my high school and taking the video to my church.

And then I got really upset for a lot of different reasons. I hate getting these great ideas and then it’s like the next morning Satan whispers in my ear how stupid that idea was. I don’t want that anymore. When I get an idea I want to act on it and know that it came from God in the first place. Then I got angry thinking about how unfair everything is and how selfish I am. I’ve been here for almost three months and I’ve been letting Satan feed me the lie that it isn’t that bad here! How could I think that?! The conditions here are terrible! They didn’t even have drinking water for over a week. It wasn’t until mom made a comment about one of my pictures that I even realized. It just isn’t fair…how did I get so lucky to live in a huge, safe house, but these people live in empty huts? And how can I be so selfish that I actually get sick of talking with the very people I came here to be with because I want to go and have fun?! I hate myself. I hate that my wants are always at the fore front of my mind. I hate it. And I hate that I’m so lazy that I can actually see myself going home and doing nothing besides being comfortable in my nice, big, safe house. And I hate that sometimes I just choose not to care. And I hate that I have so much stuff, that makes me feel no better about myself, but I still can’t let go of it. I mean I am in the middle of poverty, but thinking about what I want to buy when I go home. I hate myself but what can be done? There are these few times that I see myself for who I truly am, but then I explain my thoughts and feelings away to make myself feel better. And it sucks. Why can’t I care for someone other than me?! What are you doing to me God? What do you want from me? All of me? I want to give it so badly, but I am so scared. Who will I be if I let you take control? I want to die to my stupid self, I do really, I do.

I have spent so long trying to fit in, but you want me to stand out. So many years buying the right clothes, but you’d take me in rags. So long trying to make people love me, but you know me for who I really am and love me anyway. So long I’ve been running, but you just want me to stop and turn around because you’re right there waiting. Oh God! How could I have wasted so much time?! Take my dirty, broken self and make something from it.

“So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain.
And cry a little, cry for me, so I can bear the flames.
And hurt a little, hurt for me. My future is untold.
But my dreams are not the issue here for thee the hammer holds.
…this task before me may seem unclear, but it my maker holds.”
-The Hammer Holds (Bebo Norman)

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot [imagine] what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
-C.S. Lewis

“Our heart is restless until it finds its rest in you.”
-St. Augustine

Where is my heart?

The young man said, “I’ve done all that. What’s left?” “If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crestfallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things and he couldn’t bear to let go (Matthew 19 MESSAGE).

What should I do with this verse? It has really been bothering me since before I even came to Africa. So often the church’s response to this verse is that God could not possible have really meant to sell everything we have…But what if he did? Are there things that I am holding too tightly to? Are my possessions more important to me than God?

In my Faith and Action class we have been discussing a book called How Much Is Enough, by Arthur Simon. One chapter in particular that we have been looking at is entitled “Living Simply So That Others May Simply Live.” This chapter says, “…living on enough would mean living on less, even if ‘enough’ is defined much more generously than basic needs.” I have so much, but there are people out there who do not even have enough to satisfy their basic needs. If I believe that everything in this world is God’s because he created it and I take so much that others can not get what they need, is that not stealing from God?

When the church was first established, after Jesus’ death, no one went hungry or was even in need. If someone within the church was in need, those who had more would sell out of their excess and give the money to that one that was in need. The church took care of each other back then. No one was in need, those who had more gave what they had to even out the distribution of wealth. And the best part about it was that they did it because they wanted to, not because they had to. They loved each other so much as the body of Christ that they lovingly gave to their brothers and sisters. I can not imagine what it must look like to those outside the church when we do not even take care of those within our own churches.

I think so often in the American way of life, and even here in Uganda, we are defined by what we possess. We feel that nice clothes, a nice car, a big house, and neat little gadgets make us more of a person. The funny thing about all that is that our possessions begin to possess us. A bigger house leads to more time needed to clean it and of course we need insurance to protect all of our investments. What ever happened to just trusting God to care for us? If he takes care of the birds and creates such beautiful flowers, He can take care of me.

I think the deeper question in all of this is what defines who I am? Who I am should be invested in who God says I am. And if that is true, than what I am wearing, where I am living, and what I possess should not matter. Since the fall we have forgotten that God is the one who tells us who we are, not the world. God thinks I’m beautiful and perfect just the way I am and no amount of money or clothes could ever change how he feels about me. God is not calling me to suffer, that is not it at all. God wants us to enjoy the things he has made, but being greedy and gluttonous was never what he intended. I have found that the more I buy, the more I want. This craving for more and more is just an addiction and I will never be satisfied. I think maybe I’m trying to fill a hole that only God can fill. I can be happy on a lot less than what I own.

So, I think the most important thing in all of this is where is me heart? Is what I am doing with my life and my money honoring God and God’s community? Am I buying more and more to fill this void that only God can fill? I have not figured all of this out yet, but I know that God is calling me to a different lifestyle…hopefully a radical one. Another part of that book, How Much Is Enough, talks about how God did not tell everyone he met to sell all of their possessions. Jesus’ interactions with this man suggest that this man’s heart was completely wrapped up in his possessions. So where is my heart? Is it trying to further God’s kingdom or is it trying to fill a house w/ needless toys? It’s great to preach about all this from Africa, but I really hope that all of this sticks w/ me when I come home. I’ve been living in Africa for four months on less than I would spend in one month at home and I’m happy. So maybe more money doesn’t lead to more happiness?