HIV/AIDS Weekend

This weekend was the HIV/AIDS weekend. We had a couple speakers on AIDS and then we went to visit a tradional healer. That was a little crazy because the lady stated that she talked to spirits and they showed her how to heal the people that came to see her. A couple people said they were really scared of her and that they could feel the spiritual warfare...I thought she was just a crazy, old confused lady. The lady confessed to being a Christian, but believed that the spirits she talked to were on the same level as Jesus. I don't agree w/ her, but it was an interesting experience to have. They danced and sang for us and ended up pulling a couple of us up with them to dance. It was so much fun!

The next day we visited an organization that takes in a couple familes that have AIDS and helps them by providing housing and food. All of the families we met didn't have dads because they had all died from AIDS. One of the familes was headed by a 16 year old girl that took care of her four younger sisters because both of her parents had died. Another one of the familes had a girl that was born with no shoulder bones. She couldn't use or even barely move her arms, so she did everything with her feet. When she was born her father told her mother that she must either kill the girl or he would divorce her. When the mother refused, the father kicked her out and sent the little girl and her older sister to live with their grandpa. The grandpa would sit the little girl out on the road hoping that she would be hit by a car, but the older sister would hide without the grandpa knowing and save her sister each time a car came. The mother eventually came back and got her girls when she found out what was happening and that was when she came to get help from this organization. A lot of the people in the camp had malaria because the HIV deteriorates their immune system so much that they can't fight the virus. We ate with them and played with them and it was a lot of fun, but really sad.

We learned a lot about Anti-Retro Virals (ARV's) that can prolong a persons life indefinately who has HIV/AIDS. The thing is that they are so expensive that many Ugandans can't afford them. We in the United States have insurance and other ways of getting these meds. Until recently the United States was suplementing the costs of these ARV for the Ugandans, but only if they would buy them from U.S. manufacturers. The thing with that is that the ARV are cheaper from other countries, so by doing the Ugandans a favor we were actually making them pay more. I believe this has been resolved as of recently, but it just seems so unfair. In the words of Bono, why should where we live affect whether we live? It shouldn't! Why should people in America get the medicine they need for AIDS, but people in Africa are left to suffer and die? If we are all made in the image of God, shouldn't we all get the same treatment...why does the fact that these people are from Africa make any difference? They are still children of God...and they should be treated as such.

So...About the Safari

So the morning I woke up for the safari I had a bad feeling. It was one of those feelings that you just push aside, but a bad feeling none the less. When I woke up I crawled out of my bottom bunk and hit Kate, who sleeps above me. From her moaning I could tell she wasn’t doing too well. Turns out she was REALLY sick…which meant all duties of the safari fell to me. We were actually scared that she had malaria, but we gave her a blood test and it was negative. Everything was a little hectic because w/ Kate sick I had to walk down to the market to pick up groceries, take a shower because I walked to town to get groceries, and collect everyone’s money for the trip. As I was getting my things together to go, I hear Bethany in the bathroom. It confused me a little because she wasn’t supposed to be out class yet. When I went in she was covering her mouth and when I asked what was wrong she dropped her hand to reveal a HUGE swollen lip. She thinks she might have been allergic to a cat she petted. Anyway, her lip was huge and getting bigger by the minute. Thank goodness, last minute Kate decided she felt well enough, after sweating out a fever, to go. And Bethany took some benedryl and gave it a couple hours and the swelling went down (but not before I took some pretty hilarious pictures of her).

We all jumped in the coaster bus and took off. A few hours into the journey we stopped at the equator for a bathroom break. One of the guys, Daniel, stepped off the bus…and pooped his pants, literally. Luckily we always have plastic bags handy. We got back on the road and were almost to the park when the coaster died in the middle of the road. And remember…we are almost to a national park, which means there are wild animals roaming free everywhere. Our amazing bus driving, Jeremiah finally gets the bus running again after a scary twenty minutes we are off again. We kept driving…and driving…and driving…TEN HOURS after beginning our journey we arrived at the park. We pulled up to a gate only to find no one in the gate house, so we sat for about twenty minutes waiting on a guy to show up just to tell us we were in the wrong place. Next gate, same thing, only this time we found the right place. We pull in to what looks to be the place we are supposed to stay, but nope, wrong place. By now it is 1:30 am. We finally find the place we are supposed to stay only to discover that the person in charge of the keys isn’t there…and we get a lecture for showing up so late. Well, they can’t do anything for us so…we sleep on the coaster. Twenty of us sleep on a bus…it was the most uncomfortable night of my life. There was no room to get comfortable so we just had to sleep sitting up. Between snoring, laughing, and people jumping out of the windows to go pee, I probably got a total of three hours sleep.

At 6 am the next morning, we headed out for our first game drive. I got really sick, probably from lack of sleep, it being so early, and being in a car, so I slept through most of the drive. I did see a bunch of lions on a rock though, that was pretty cool. After that we had breakfast at a canteen in the park. When we climbed off the bus at the canteen we had been on that stinking coaster bus for 21 ½ hours! It actually kinda felt like home. We finally got to our hostel and climbed into bed. After putting everyone to sleep by reading “Peter Pan” I finally fell asleep…for a wauping thirty minutes. We got everyone together and headed out for our boat ride. The boat ride was pretty amazing. Not only was it beautiful, but I got to see hippos, crocodiles (don’t worry dad, none chased me), and a bunch of birds. When we came back to our hostel we snuck up to the really nice, ritzy lodge. Because we were white we just blended in and they thought we were staying there, so they were really nice to us. They ended up getting a dessert bar together for us for $3 a person, it was pretty amazing. Finally we got back to the hostel and passed out.

Sunday morning, we were up at 6:15 am. We drove out on our second game drive and saw lions, hyenas and some pretty majestic mountains. I’m not going to lie; I slept for about half of this drive too. Back to the park we went to have breakfast at a picnic table next to the lake. We headed out at around 11 am. With no problems, just a few bathroom breaks (one of which I peed in a bathroom that had no toilet and no roof, in the rain) we arrived back at school at 8:53 pm (I know the exact time because we were all taking bets).

I must say that inspite of all the set backs that happened on the trip, it was pretty amazing. When you sleep with people on a bus it sure does bond you all together. The park was beautiful and we actually could walk through it and see warthogs, mongoose, and waterbucks…close enough to touch. It was the best safari I have ever been on for $30, that’s for sure! I’m kinda getting into this whole roughing it thing. On the bus home I realized how happy I am. I’m in the middle of Africa w/ a bunch of people I only met 2 ½ months ago and I am so happy. I feel God’s presence here and I know that I’m not alone. I guess I’m just realizing that no matter where I go, God is right there w/ me…and it’s pretty amazing.

P.S. On the way home we stopped at a gas station and they were selling grasshoppers and one of the boys bought them...and I ATE ONE!! Yup, I ate a fried grasshopper...it was disgusting!

What is happening to me?

(Excert from my Journal 8 Nov. 2006)

It finally hit me. Everything finally hit me tonight. It started yesterday in Faith and Action when Mark handed our applications for the program back. When I read it I remembered how much passion I had before I came here. It struck me that I didn’t feel a passion for almost anything anymore.

Tonight Chris, from Invisible Children, came and talked with a couple of us. He showed this video twice and both times I couldn’t help but cry. All of a sudden I felt a hint of my passion come back. I want to do something for you God. I want to make a difference in this world for you. The girls got all excited because we could go on our roadtrip and show the movie at churches as we go. I got all these ideas about talking to my high school and taking the video to my church.

And then I got really upset for a lot of different reasons. I hate getting these great ideas and then it’s like the next morning Satan whispers in my ear how stupid that idea was. I don’t want that anymore. When I get an idea I want to act on it and know that it came from God in the first place. Then I got angry thinking about how unfair everything is and how selfish I am. I’ve been here for almost three months and I’ve been letting Satan feed me the lie that it isn’t that bad here! How could I think that?! The conditions here are terrible! They didn’t even have drinking water for over a week. It wasn’t until mom made a comment about one of my pictures that I even realized. It just isn’t fair…how did I get so lucky to live in a huge, safe house, but these people live in empty huts? And how can I be so selfish that I actually get sick of talking with the very people I came here to be with because I want to go and have fun?! I hate myself. I hate that my wants are always at the fore front of my mind. I hate it. And I hate that I’m so lazy that I can actually see myself going home and doing nothing besides being comfortable in my nice, big, safe house. And I hate that sometimes I just choose not to care. And I hate that I have so much stuff, that makes me feel no better about myself, but I still can’t let go of it. I mean I am in the middle of poverty, but thinking about what I want to buy when I go home. I hate myself but what can be done? There are these few times that I see myself for who I truly am, but then I explain my thoughts and feelings away to make myself feel better. And it sucks. Why can’t I care for someone other than me?! What are you doing to me God? What do you want from me? All of me? I want to give it so badly, but I am so scared. Who will I be if I let you take control? I want to die to my stupid self, I do really, I do.

I have spent so long trying to fit in, but you want me to stand out. So many years buying the right clothes, but you’d take me in rags. So long trying to make people love me, but you know me for who I really am and love me anyway. So long I’ve been running, but you just want me to stop and turn around because you’re right there waiting. Oh God! How could I have wasted so much time?! Take my dirty, broken self and make something from it.

“So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain.
And cry a little, cry for me, so I can bear the flames.
And hurt a little, hurt for me. My future is untold.
But my dreams are not the issue here for thee the hammer holds.
…this task before me may seem unclear, but it my maker holds.”
-The Hammer Holds (Bebo Norman)

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot [imagine] what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
-C.S. Lewis

“Our heart is restless until it finds its rest in you.”
-St. Augustine

Where is my heart?

The young man said, “I’ve done all that. What’s left?” “If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crestfallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things and he couldn’t bear to let go (Matthew 19 MESSAGE).

What should I do with this verse? It has really been bothering me since before I even came to Africa. So often the church’s response to this verse is that God could not possible have really meant to sell everything we have…But what if he did? Are there things that I am holding too tightly to? Are my possessions more important to me than God?

In my Faith and Action class we have been discussing a book called How Much Is Enough, by Arthur Simon. One chapter in particular that we have been looking at is entitled “Living Simply So That Others May Simply Live.” This chapter says, “…living on enough would mean living on less, even if ‘enough’ is defined much more generously than basic needs.” I have so much, but there are people out there who do not even have enough to satisfy their basic needs. If I believe that everything in this world is God’s because he created it and I take so much that others can not get what they need, is that not stealing from God?

When the church was first established, after Jesus’ death, no one went hungry or was even in need. If someone within the church was in need, those who had more would sell out of their excess and give the money to that one that was in need. The church took care of each other back then. No one was in need, those who had more gave what they had to even out the distribution of wealth. And the best part about it was that they did it because they wanted to, not because they had to. They loved each other so much as the body of Christ that they lovingly gave to their brothers and sisters. I can not imagine what it must look like to those outside the church when we do not even take care of those within our own churches.

I think so often in the American way of life, and even here in Uganda, we are defined by what we possess. We feel that nice clothes, a nice car, a big house, and neat little gadgets make us more of a person. The funny thing about all that is that our possessions begin to possess us. A bigger house leads to more time needed to clean it and of course we need insurance to protect all of our investments. What ever happened to just trusting God to care for us? If he takes care of the birds and creates such beautiful flowers, He can take care of me.

I think the deeper question in all of this is what defines who I am? Who I am should be invested in who God says I am. And if that is true, than what I am wearing, where I am living, and what I possess should not matter. Since the fall we have forgotten that God is the one who tells us who we are, not the world. God thinks I’m beautiful and perfect just the way I am and no amount of money or clothes could ever change how he feels about me. God is not calling me to suffer, that is not it at all. God wants us to enjoy the things he has made, but being greedy and gluttonous was never what he intended. I have found that the more I buy, the more I want. This craving for more and more is just an addiction and I will never be satisfied. I think maybe I’m trying to fill a hole that only God can fill. I can be happy on a lot less than what I own.

So, I think the most important thing in all of this is where is me heart? Is what I am doing with my life and my money honoring God and God’s community? Am I buying more and more to fill this void that only God can fill? I have not figured all of this out yet, but I know that God is calling me to a different lifestyle…hopefully a radical one. Another part of that book, How Much Is Enough, talks about how God did not tell everyone he met to sell all of their possessions. Jesus’ interactions with this man suggest that this man’s heart was completely wrapped up in his possessions. So where is my heart? Is it trying to further God’s kingdom or is it trying to fill a house w/ needless toys? It’s great to preach about all this from Africa, but I really hope that all of this sticks w/ me when I come home. I’ve been living in Africa for four months on less than I would spend in one month at home and I’m happy. So maybe more money doesn’t lead to more happiness?

God Among Us

Friday afternoon the girls and I went to Kampala. We met Jillian, a volunteer from the Jesus Village (an orphanage a couple towns over from where I am staying) at one of the cafes there. My friend Kate actually met her at church the week before and struck up a friendship with her, so we were all pretty much meeting for the first time. As soon as she got there she started asking us our stories and what brought us to Africa. We went around the table and said our piece and the funny thing was that I was learning things I had never heard from the very girls I spend every second of every day with. We learned from Jillian that she came here to help some friends from America start an orphanage. Because she is a volunteer she doesn’t get paid, so she had to save up for a year and just lives off her savings. She really caught my attention when she started talking about trying to stick it out at office jobs and just realizing that they weren’t for her. That’s what mom and dad have always said about me! The funny thing about all this is that I have always felt that even if God did call me to Africa it would be way too hard to get a job because I would have no idea where to start. It is really scary to think that God keeps opening me up to more and more contacts and ideas for what to do with my life. If he does call me to Africa, I have plenty of means to get a job here. After we asked Jillian a million questions about the orphanage she asked if there was anything she could pray about for each of us. We went around the table again and just up about things that have been bothering us or things we were dealing with. After that we all took turns praying…we prayed for about fifteen minutes in the middle of a crowded café in the middle of Kampala. It was so amazing…I honestly felt the presence of God among us. I felt so tight with all those girls at that moment because I didn’t feel alone anymore in the middle of Africa. I had four other people that truly cared about me and were praying for me and would continue to pray for me. We all hugged, parted ways, and promised to see each other again. We are planning a visit to the Jesus Village soon.

We had about an hour before we had to be home, so we went to the craft village and went shopping. We had a banquet to be at that night at school, so we gave ourselves an hour and a half to get home. We went to the bus stop and suddenly remembered that it was a Friday night and the mutatus were full. We stood for about ten minutes at one stop and then decided that it would be better to just keep walking and try and catch one on the go. We walked for a little bit and then we got tired, so we stopped at another bus stop and waited. We all kept praying that we would find a mutatu because it was getting late and starting to become dark. We met an Africa man there named Steve. He just started talking to us and asking us questions about where we were from and where we were headed. We found out that he was a Christian and that he went to a university close by. We were all headed in the same direction, so he told us that he would help us get home. We waited for over an hour and were really getting frustrated, when finally caught a mutatu for all of us to ride together. It wouldn’t take us all the way home, but he promised to help us catch the next bus that would get us to Mukono. When we got to our stop we all got off and he waited with us until we caught a coaster bus to take us home. When we were all alone on the way back Bethany told us all that she felt that maybe Steve was an angel sent from God. We had all been praying for a mutatu, but maybe God answered us differently than we expected.

We left for Ssese Islands early on Saturday morning. We drove about an hour to a ferry and then took a three hour ferry ride to the islands. The girls and I stayed in a cabin right on the beach and it was amazingly beautiful. We ate on the beach, played on the beach, and even had Sunday morning service on the beach. The first night we just sat on the beach and marveled at the sunset. I mean not only were we watching a sunset on the beach, but we were watching a sunset on the beach in AFRICA.

Today was the Ugandan Independence Day, so there were no classes. One of my American professors, Professor Adams (the one I went to church with last week), conned us all into coming to his class, though, in return for an American style barbecue…it was well worth it! After that we had dessert with the Vice Chancellor of the university. He showed “The Invisible Children” because we are having a discussion about it tomorrow in class. The movie touches me each time I watch it, but it is amazing how real it is watching it from Africa. I saw the faces of the children I work with in the orphanage on the children who were walking to safety. I saw the shower shoes that everyone here owns on the feet of the children. The people here, especially the children, are so beautiful and I cannot believe that we let these things go on here.

This reminds me of a tea time discussion that the girls and I had this week. I asked why miracles seem to happen so much more often here. One of the girls said that it is probably because they are more open to the possibilities of miracles. We Americans look to explain away miracles too often, instead of just accepting that God is still working in our lives to do amazing, unexplainable things. This led to discussing how we also (meaning Americans) forget that the devil really is there. We have just decided that it is our own free will that makes us do things and “the devil made me do it” is just a childish way to explain away what we have done. But by doing this we almost give him for power. A book I was reading gave the quote, “The smartest thing the devil ever did was convince the world that he doesn’t exist.” What if we started living our lives like the devil is waiting to trip us up at every corner? What if we really believed that we are in a spiritual war? Would it make us live differently? I really have to believe that the devil is working in the world today…that is why nothing is being done for the children of Africa. But I also still believe that God is doing miracles…the small everyday ones in my life and the big ones that can save a nation.

This is the life...

Okay, so much has been going on here. Last Thursday I started my service project at CHAIN, which is an orphanage. We pretty much just played with the kids…board games, soccer, on the swing set. We were all playing when all of a sudden someone yelled, “SNAKE!” All the little kids freaked out (and I must admit I freaked a little too), but the teacher just used a stick and threw it out in the woods. One of the guys who is in the USP with me, Ben, asked the teacher if she would like him to kill it so that it wouldn’t come back. He found it and threw a brick at it…as soon as he did that all the kids ran down there and started throwing things at it…it was so funny. The kids are absolutely beautiful…I just kept looking at them all deciding which one I would want to adopt, but I could never take just one...I would want them all. They are all really well-behaved, too. I can’t wait to go back next Thursday.

Friday night Jessica and I cooked for our host family. We had to make everything from scratch, so I had mom send me some recipes for tomato sauce and chocolate chip cookies. We actually bought the vegetables for the tomato sauce at the market and we couldn’t find everything else we needed, so we just had to improvise. We borrowed the oven from the intern here and made the cookies, but the spaghetti sauce we made over an open fire. It tasted amazing! We also made garlic bread over the fire. Our family was so impressed that we could cook…I guess they think Americans just eat out every meal. Since we came back to campus on Saturday, we decided to give our family their gifts on Friday night. You would have thought it was Christmas if you saw how excited they got when we gave them their presents. We didn’t really give anything that great, just a couple t-shirts, some stuffed animals, jewelry, a bag…oh, and I burnt a cd of “American” music for my host brother. They sent us off on Saturday, but before we could leave they fed us tea, bread, noodles (with our left over sauce on them), and scrambled eggs! I didn’t think I was going to be able to walk back after all that. Our brothers, Brian and Mark, and our sister, Judith, walked us all the way back to campus. As Jess and I waved and watched them walk away we really felt like we were telling our family goodbye.

The girls and I had planned for Saturday to be a fun day in Kampala to relax from everything. We all rode in a matatu (which is pretty much like riding a bus, but it’s a van instead). The matatu dropped us off about a twenty minute walk from where it was supposed to and then tried to trick us into paying him again to take us back to where he was supposed to drop us off. We were smarter than that, we just walked. We went to Garden City, which is the closest thing they have to a mall here. They have a movie theater, so we went to see “Just My Luck”. It was amazing…for a second I forgot I was in Africa. The funny thing is that “Just My Luck” came out at the movie rental place the week that I left and we paid $5.50 in American dollars to see it in a theater, which is pretty expensive. After the movie we went to a store and I bought Q-tips, which I need SO bad…the dirt here collects in your ears and it is just disgusting. To top our trip off we got ice cream. I knew that I loved ice cream before I left, but now I realize that I was addicted to it. We hurried home because the director of the USP was holding a BBQ. We walked back and the gate that we came out of was locked. So, instead of walking around Bethany, Kate, and I decided to hop it. Now I’m sure you are thinking, “No big deal, just a little fence.” But you would be wrong in thinking that my friend. The gates here are made to keep people out. They are about 10 feet tall and have either glass shards or huge spikes at the top. Luckily this one just had spikes at the top, but as I climbed over the top I sat down on one of the spikes and punctured my pants…luckily it was just my pants and not my rear end. My pants weren’t too messed up and it made for a good story. The BBQ was a lot of fun…there were hamburgers, hot dogs, and ICE CREAM!! I had to leave the BBQ early because my stomach was not in agreement with all the American food I had consumed that day. Oh yeah, I forgot that I had a huge piece of chocolate cake in Kampala…so needless today say I spent a little quality time in the bathroom. A couple of us went to a talent show called “Survivor”, which was put on by the university. After that we headed up money hill, which is actually a hill that has monkey on it. We brought blankets and laid up there and looked at the stars and sang praise songs. It was pretty amazing.

Sunday I went to a Catholic church in Kampala with a girl from the USP named Holly and my law professor, Jeff Adams, and his family. My law professor’s wife, Carol, actually invited Holly and I to go with them. The church was beautiful and I didn’t quite get all of the service, but I liked the change of scenery. After church, the Adam’s treated us to lunch. Then we all went to a country club, where the kids rode horses and then we all swam. This would be a good time to introduce you to the Adam’s family: The dad is Jeff (he’s my teacher), the mom is Carol, and then they have Jane, Francis, Henry (who changes his name everyday…on this day he was both Scrat and Popeye), and John Paul. AND Carol is pregnant with their fifth child, which is due in December. They are the cutest family you will ever meet. I think their kids are smarter than me…I actually had a discussion about Peter Pan with Jane…she claimed to like the book better than the movie. The Adam’s really made Holly and I feel like we were part of the family and it was nice to have that feeling after not really having a family around for over a month now. After all the swimming we stopped by a restaurant for…you guessed it…ICE CREAM!

So I’m staying pretty busy here in Uganda. It’s amazing that life still goes on here and isn’t all that different from America. I’m really enjoying it here, but feeling the stress of school as a bunch of papers are coming due.

Homestays!

I have been dreading home stays since I signed up for this trip in February. I knew they were a big part of the experience, but not an experience I wanted to have. I asked God to be with me and it was really funny that I was reading a book and found all of these versus that talked about God going before me and not to fear. So, when the big day came I was sick as a dog with worry (and diarrhea). I waited with the group for a very long time until my name was called. When I came down to meet the family I realized I was standing with another girl from the USP named Jessica. We were going to be living in the house together!!! I was so happy because Jessica is an amazing girl and I had really wanted to stay with someone, but I didn’t want to be a baby, so I was just leaving all the arrangements in God’s hands.

We drove to their house, which is one of the nicest I have seen in Uganda. The house was full of people that kept being introduced and brothers and sisters (I later found out that most of them were cousins that were living with them on holiday.) The sister, named Judith, came with her dad to pick us up. She is so amazing…she helps us with everything. She is kind of like our go between…she teaches us how to do things and helps us with our questions…all the while not treating us like we are stupid at all. The rest of the brothers are named Brian, Mark (who is a twin to Judith), and Simon. There are three female cousins that live there too. They help with the laundry, cleaning, and cooking. Everyone was so kind and willing to serve us in any way they possibly could.

They let us take a quick nap because neither Jessica nor I could keep our eyes open much longer. Jessica and I have our own room that is very nice. It was a little hard at first to fall asleep at first because the house is set up like a barn, with the walls of each room not touching the ceiling. Also, the windows are all open and the doors are left open. So, as we lay down to sleep we could hear a little of every conversation going on in the house. It was weird at first, but now it is comforting to feel all those people in the house with me. So, both Jessica and I fell asleep hard, once we finally did fall asleep. I woke up once and felt something on my hand. I was afraid to look, but when I did it was a little lizard. I just flicked it off. Later when I woke up and was telling Jessica about it I just had to laugh because the Ashley that I knew three weeks ago would not have been that calm about waking up to a lizard on her hand.

The dad (we call him Tata Julius) was really excited for a ceremony he would be taking us to that night. He would be the master of ceremonies for a pre-engagement ceremony. We showed up way too underdressed for this very formal ceremony. We sat under tents, which was a good thing because it kept raining. Pretty much the point of the ceremony is for the girl to bring the boy to her house and introduce him to her family. The whole ceremony was in Lugandan, so Jessica and I didn’t understand a lick of it, but our sister Judith tried as best she could to interpret it for us. They played a lot of different music during the ceremony and I almost burst out laughing when a Randy Travis and Kenny Rogers song came on. I can’t wait to tell Karis that they listen to country music in Africa too! There was a lot of different family members coming and bowing. The best part was when the boy’s family brought gifts for the girl’s family. They just kept coming with baskets and baskets of things, like fruit, sugar, Fanta!, and household goods. They brought a live cow and a huge skinned, dead cow. They even gave them a couch and two chairs…and that was really funny because it was raining and they sat them right outside and they made everyone sit on them for pictures. The party went on until it was night and the power went out a couple times. The first time it happened I was following Judith to get food and a man next to be asked where I was going. It kind of scared me, but when I turned around I realized it was Tata Julius. He was there then and every time the power went out after that with his flashlight on his cell phone guiding our path. He kept introducing us as his daughters and I was just so amazed at how caring and protective he was over us.

The next day was church which was totally amazing. The music really touched me…it was so amazing to hear them talk about trusting in God and not fearing the future when they fear kidnappings and death everyday. I think the songs mean a lot more when you can really associate with what you are singing about. A little into the service I turned around to see a baptism and a little girl caught my eye. She waved and I waved back and then her mom sent her to sit with me! It was amazing…I got to hold the little girl through most of the service. She was so good and had a great time playing with my watch, my ring, and the buttons on my sweater.

After church we took tea, did some homework and then took lunch. After that we took Mark to boarding school in Kampala, which is about 45 minutes away. It was amazing to see how young some of the boys were at the boarding school. But the parents just drop them off and leave them for a month to attend school. When we got back to Mukono, Tata and Mama dropped us off with Judith to get her hair cut and to pick up some things at the store.

That night Tata and Mama went to Jinja to run some errands, so all the kids were left at home together. We took tea with Brian, the oldest brother, in the room listening to music. He was so excited to hear that we liked the music he was listening to. So, we all started talking about music and then I looked out the back door and saw one of the cousins, Stella, was dancing outside. Jessica and I went outside and it became a huge dance party, with them trying to teach us traditional dances and us trying to teach them swing and ballroom dancing. It was really cool because I was amazed at how willing they were to letting us into their family.

As I went to bed I thought about how scared I have been for months about coming to this house. And now that I am here I feel the most at home that I have felt since I was actually at my home three weeks ago. I have realized that God really does go before me. And if he takes care of me in a situation as trivial in life as this, why can’t I trust that he has his hand in every part of my life? This experience has been so comforting because I trusted that God would take care of me and he has, he did, and he will! How amazing is that?!

The Rains Down In Africa...

14 September 2006

So, I’m here…how I feel about that fact will depend upon the day. It is absolutely beautiful here and the people are the nicest I have ever met. But things are very different, too. I’m glad they are different, but the differences also make it difficult. The power goes out every night, which was fun for the first day because we got to use candles. Who knew that you needed power for so much stuff? You can’t use your computer to get on the internet when your computer is dead and there is no power to charge it. Also, there is a bug here that lays its eggs on your clothes while they line dry. So, after doing your laundry (which takes about 2 hours for one basket), you must line dry them for two days and then wait for the power to come back on so that you can iron them so that the eggs don’t hatch in your skin (the heat kills the eggs). Not only all of that, but when it is dark here, it is DARK. When the power is out you can’t see two feet in front of you…this is a problem since the school is set on a hill and every few feet you find stairs. And I can’t forget the food…All they serve here is rice, beans, and something they call matoke (which is a hot paste made from bananas.) The rice and beans are repetitive and the matoke is disgusting. But, like one of my teachers said, if everything was the same there would be no reason to come.

I have seen a lot of heartbreaking things. One day we were sitting at an outside restaurant and there were children begging for our food. They have told us not to give them anything because if we do it will just reinforce the begging. But, one of the guys I was eating with made a really good point. He said that when you are little your parents always tell you to clean your plate because there are starving children in Africa. And now that we are in Africa and see the starving children we can’t give them our food? It’s a difficult situation, but what do you do? (We snuck them a little fruit, don’t tell!)

One of the worst things we have dealt with so far is the genocide in Rwanda. We left two days after we got here and went on a ten day trip to Rwanda. We had speakers, visited museums, and actually visited some of the sights of the genocide. After we went to a particular museum the reality of all that happened really started to hit me. These were people that, because of political manipulation, were murdering their friends and neighbors.

The next day we went to one of the places where the genocide took place. This sight happened to be a school. The Tutsi were told that they would be safe there, but the Hutu just starved them and waited things out until the Tutsi were too weak to fight back. The school was full of thousands of mutilated bones from the attack. It was almost too much to handle…room after room of bodies set up on grates, some even still having hair. I was standing in the door way of one of these rooms when all of a sudden I was snapped back from my mindless wondering by a child’s laugh. I turned around and was amazed by what I saw. I saw a beautiful country side with children laughing and playing on it. I realized something right then. There is great evil in this world, but there is also great good. I realized that every person has to make the decision some time in his or her life where he or she decides to run for the good or sink into the bad. There were so many Tutsi’s and Hutu’s that hid other Tutsi’s just to wind up dying just like the person they were trying to save. The question that kept playing in my head was, “Would I save someone if I knew we would both end up dying in the end? I made the decision right then and there to strive to do what I know is right in every situation. And by doing that I don’t just mean doing the right thing when people can see. The greatest good is done when no one else is watching but God. What I do matters even if no one else ever finds out what I have done or if it doesn’t quite turn out the way I thought it would.

I leave for home-stays on Saturday. I am really worried about this because I am being placed with a family for two weeks that I have never met. I have been dealing a lot with this fact, but I finally decided to just give it to God and stop worrying. So, I will leave you with some verses that struck me in this situation:

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight…Do not be afraid for I am with you.”
Isaiah 43:1-5
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8

May The Words Of My Mouth...

"This is war and there is no neutral ground. If your not on my side you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse"

I have called myself a Christian for a long time, but declaring myself a Christian seems so cheesy sometimes. I feel like one minute I'm talking about God and the next I'm talking about someone behind their back. It just seems so fake and I'm so afraid that someone will look at me and say, "She's a Christian? Well, that's NOT what I want to be."

My problem is that I have seen the people who call themselves "Christians" and think they are better than everyone else. It's almost like they pull away from real life and live in a church people cult. I know that's not what I want to be...I want to be able to relate to people in the real world and show them Christ through me. So, I've almost went too far the opposite way and become one of this world. But, when I go to talk about God with the people I was just telling dirty jokes with it just feels wrong. God says that we must be hot or cold, but I think that I've been riding the fence for a while trying to figure out how to be hot without burning people on who Christ truely is. He wasn't someone who was scared to hang out with the sinners, but he didn't let their behavior determine who he was. They saw his life and heard his message and dropped everything to be like him. He did NOT see their sinning and drop his calling so that he would be liked.

Here lately I've really been trying to match the way I feel about God with the actions that I perform. If a dirty joke is being told, I walk away...I don't yell at the person and call them a sinner...I just walk away. I still catch myself doing things that I know are not of God. And right in the middle of my sentence or action I'll think, "Crap! Why in the world did I just do that." But those times are getting fewer and I'm just glad that I am in tune enough with what God has for me that I am at least catching myself now. God knows that my heart is for him and right now I can see him leaning over the fence, with his hand outstretched, calling me to his side.

I found this song on a new cd that I bought called "Sing Over Me." It's words are truely my prayer for my life...

May the words of my mouth and the thought of my heart bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus. And the deeds of the day and truth in my ways speak of You, speak of You, Jesus. For this is what I'm glad to do. It's time to live a life of love that pleases You. And I will give my all to You. Surrender everything I have and follow You. Lord, be my vision, Lord, be my guide. Be my hope, be my light and the way. And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth. Only YOu'll be first of my heart

Safe and Sound

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Safe and Sound

No more boarding up my windows

So that I can lay low, Nobody's home

No more trying to run away from

Tired of being afraid of what I can't control

The hardest part I'm always told is letting go

Safe and sound know that you're big enough to

Wrap around my heart completely

Safe and sound just knowing that you know me.

I can finally set my heart free

Lost within the mystery of this love I've found

There is nothing that can pull me

From the hand that holds me, I'm safe and sound

The hardest part I'm always told is letting go

-MercyMe

I find myself laying in bed a lot of nights wondering if I have everything I need for Africa and if the clothes I've bought will be what I need. This casual wondering, if I let it, turns to this overwelming sense of dread...so bad that I've thought of going and climbing in bed with my mommy. I don't even have a solid reason for this dread, I think it's just an overwelming fear of the unknown. I'm a planner and having no idea what the next four months of my life holds is hard for me.

The other day though I was doing devotions and I found the classic verse about letting tomorrow take care of itself, but this time I was reading it in the message. It's amazing how the message can take a verse I've heard a thousand times and turn it into a verse I actually understand and cling to. I loved the verse because it was exactly what I needed to hear. No matter what happens on the way to Africa, when I get to Africa, or even when I get back from Africa...God has already been there and he and I can face it together. I just have this picture in my mind of this group huddle of me and God trying to come up with an answer to my problems...and I love it. I love knowing that I'm taken care of and I don't have to worry what might happen. And even better, God has equipped me to handle what he puts in front of me.

Another important part of that verse is also how it says to keep my entire attention on what I'm doing right now. There are so many people than I am still interacting with and so many things that God is using me for here. I don't have to go to Africa to find people that need to see Jesus through me. I need to remember that God can use me where ever I am. I am also enjoying depending on God right now. I have no idea what's to come, but I am growing so much by just letting Him have control. No matter what, I'm Safe and Sound.

Avoiding Life...

So, I've been thinking a lot about how we as humans do our best to avoid life. For instance, I get mad when I'm trying to get ready, but it's so stinking hot in my house that I can't get my clothes on because they stick to my body. So, I stand in front of our window air conditioner, not only to get ready, but to put on my make-up and do my hair. What will me being hot really hurt? It isn't hot enough to make me pass out, it's just uncomfortable...uncomfortable. I've lived my whole life avoiding being uncomfortable. I don't like confrontations because it makes things weird, I don't have those serious conversations about where a person is spiritually because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don't do the things God has for me because it might make me feel uncomfortable.

I remember reading a book for one of my bible classes at Olivet that talked about this very thing. The author said that we learn to truely live life when we face our emotions. When we face situations head on and let ourselves react with all our raw emotion, we finally experience life for how God intended it to be. He didn't create us to take the easy path and lead a comfortable life. He himself died on a cross...I don't think he took the easy way. He took the world head on and did what was right, even though his friends turned on him...and I'm sure hanging on the cross was a little uncomfortable.

I'm so scared about going to Africa because I don't know what to bring and I don't want to bring too much and be the spoiled American. They've led on that there won't be a lot for meals and our lodging won't be the best. Student Accounts at Olivet actually asked if we were going to be staying in tents because that was the cheapest they had ever seen lodging be for any school. I know I could take the comfortable way and bring as much stuff w/ me as possible and bring extra money to fill in gaps in the meals, but I honestly want to experience Africa for all that it is worth. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to feel hunger pains and know that I've had more to eat in a day than most Africans get in a week. I want to face life and quit avoiding the true emotions that are out there...not the watered down life that I have learned to live.

I will say that one thing I do dread facing head on is leaving my parents at the airport. I know my mom will be crying and I know I'll be trying so hard not to, but what would it hurt to give in? What if I had a good cry before I left and acted like a 5 year old and told my parents how much I love them and that I'll miss them so very much? What would it hurt? I'd just be facing the trueness of life...realizing that I have something here that is worth missing...a family that loves me for who I am.

Get Serious

So, I've kinda been putting off getting myself ready for Africa. I don't just mean like getting my shots and taking care of flight arrangements (which I am just now finishing up), but preparing myself spiritually. I mean from the beginning I've known this trip was of God because I NEVER would have decided to do this on my own. But after making those initial decisions I feel like I've kinda left everything else until the end of the summer. And I decided to fill my summer with as much as possible, so that I would be too tired to worry about the trip anyway. Now, though, the trip is only a month away and I keep having nightmares that I show up in Africa without any luggage (which, knowing my luck will happen anyway). So, this week I decided to stop filling my days up with useless junk and finally start focusing on what I'm going to need in all areas of my life when I go to Africa. I decided to read both "Blue Like Jazz" and "Velvet Elvis" after a lot of people were talking about them at a camp I went to. The author of "Blue Like Jazz" mentioned that he had read the book of James and I was just starting to do my devotions without a devotional book and felt James was as good a place as any to start. So, I open up to James in the Message and can't stop reading...and then in Chapter 4 I am hit...

"You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that 'he's a fiercely jealous lover.' And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find...So let God work his will in you...Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. GET SERIOUS, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

These verses hit me right in the face for a couple reasons. One, I feel so strongly about not cheating on the people I date or on the person I eventually marry, but isn't God so much more to me than they could ever be? It isn't okay for me to cheat on them, but I can cheat on God by giving my time, love, and attention to other things? I don't think so...that bothered me. Two, I've been having a hard time figuring out how to make God the number one guy in my life. And I love how this passage says that "his love is far better than anything else you'll find." That is awesome to know...when everyone else lets me down, God won't. And also, my friend Becca and I were discussing how we have this hole in our lives that we try and fill with other things, but it is meant for God, so we can never quite fill it. I thought that was really interesting because this whole summer I've tried to fill my hole with work, or guys, or even planning for Africa, when in all reality I feel empty because I'm not letting God be the center of all those things. And three, I want to be broken in Africa. I want to find myself at the end of my rope and have nothing to cling to except God. I'm ready to hit bottom. I want to come back and be a totally different person.

I don't think it was any accident that I heard about a book that made me change my perspective...and that book let me to read James...and James led me to rethink what I've been doing...and rethinking what I've been doing led me to get serious about living for God.