Where is my heart?

The young man said, “I’ve done all that. What’s left?” “If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crestfallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things and he couldn’t bear to let go (Matthew 19 MESSAGE).

What should I do with this verse? It has really been bothering me since before I even came to Africa. So often the church’s response to this verse is that God could not possible have really meant to sell everything we have…But what if he did? Are there things that I am holding too tightly to? Are my possessions more important to me than God?

In my Faith and Action class we have been discussing a book called How Much Is Enough, by Arthur Simon. One chapter in particular that we have been looking at is entitled “Living Simply So That Others May Simply Live.” This chapter says, “…living on enough would mean living on less, even if ‘enough’ is defined much more generously than basic needs.” I have so much, but there are people out there who do not even have enough to satisfy their basic needs. If I believe that everything in this world is God’s because he created it and I take so much that others can not get what they need, is that not stealing from God?

When the church was first established, after Jesus’ death, no one went hungry or was even in need. If someone within the church was in need, those who had more would sell out of their excess and give the money to that one that was in need. The church took care of each other back then. No one was in need, those who had more gave what they had to even out the distribution of wealth. And the best part about it was that they did it because they wanted to, not because they had to. They loved each other so much as the body of Christ that they lovingly gave to their brothers and sisters. I can not imagine what it must look like to those outside the church when we do not even take care of those within our own churches.

I think so often in the American way of life, and even here in Uganda, we are defined by what we possess. We feel that nice clothes, a nice car, a big house, and neat little gadgets make us more of a person. The funny thing about all that is that our possessions begin to possess us. A bigger house leads to more time needed to clean it and of course we need insurance to protect all of our investments. What ever happened to just trusting God to care for us? If he takes care of the birds and creates such beautiful flowers, He can take care of me.

I think the deeper question in all of this is what defines who I am? Who I am should be invested in who God says I am. And if that is true, than what I am wearing, where I am living, and what I possess should not matter. Since the fall we have forgotten that God is the one who tells us who we are, not the world. God thinks I’m beautiful and perfect just the way I am and no amount of money or clothes could ever change how he feels about me. God is not calling me to suffer, that is not it at all. God wants us to enjoy the things he has made, but being greedy and gluttonous was never what he intended. I have found that the more I buy, the more I want. This craving for more and more is just an addiction and I will never be satisfied. I think maybe I’m trying to fill a hole that only God can fill. I can be happy on a lot less than what I own.

So, I think the most important thing in all of this is where is me heart? Is what I am doing with my life and my money honoring God and God’s community? Am I buying more and more to fill this void that only God can fill? I have not figured all of this out yet, but I know that God is calling me to a different lifestyle…hopefully a radical one. Another part of that book, How Much Is Enough, talks about how God did not tell everyone he met to sell all of their possessions. Jesus’ interactions with this man suggest that this man’s heart was completely wrapped up in his possessions. So where is my heart? Is it trying to further God’s kingdom or is it trying to fill a house w/ needless toys? It’s great to preach about all this from Africa, but I really hope that all of this sticks w/ me when I come home. I’ve been living in Africa for four months on less than I would spend in one month at home and I’m happy. So maybe more money doesn’t lead to more happiness?