Safe and Sound

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Safe and Sound

No more boarding up my windows

So that I can lay low, Nobody's home

No more trying to run away from

Tired of being afraid of what I can't control

The hardest part I'm always told is letting go

Safe and sound know that you're big enough to

Wrap around my heart completely

Safe and sound just knowing that you know me.

I can finally set my heart free

Lost within the mystery of this love I've found

There is nothing that can pull me

From the hand that holds me, I'm safe and sound

The hardest part I'm always told is letting go

-MercyMe

I find myself laying in bed a lot of nights wondering if I have everything I need for Africa and if the clothes I've bought will be what I need. This casual wondering, if I let it, turns to this overwelming sense of dread...so bad that I've thought of going and climbing in bed with my mommy. I don't even have a solid reason for this dread, I think it's just an overwelming fear of the unknown. I'm a planner and having no idea what the next four months of my life holds is hard for me.

The other day though I was doing devotions and I found the classic verse about letting tomorrow take care of itself, but this time I was reading it in the message. It's amazing how the message can take a verse I've heard a thousand times and turn it into a verse I actually understand and cling to. I loved the verse because it was exactly what I needed to hear. No matter what happens on the way to Africa, when I get to Africa, or even when I get back from Africa...God has already been there and he and I can face it together. I just have this picture in my mind of this group huddle of me and God trying to come up with an answer to my problems...and I love it. I love knowing that I'm taken care of and I don't have to worry what might happen. And even better, God has equipped me to handle what he puts in front of me.

Another important part of that verse is also how it says to keep my entire attention on what I'm doing right now. There are so many people than I am still interacting with and so many things that God is using me for here. I don't have to go to Africa to find people that need to see Jesus through me. I need to remember that God can use me where ever I am. I am also enjoying depending on God right now. I have no idea what's to come, but I am growing so much by just letting Him have control. No matter what, I'm Safe and Sound.

Avoiding Life...

So, I've been thinking a lot about how we as humans do our best to avoid life. For instance, I get mad when I'm trying to get ready, but it's so stinking hot in my house that I can't get my clothes on because they stick to my body. So, I stand in front of our window air conditioner, not only to get ready, but to put on my make-up and do my hair. What will me being hot really hurt? It isn't hot enough to make me pass out, it's just uncomfortable...uncomfortable. I've lived my whole life avoiding being uncomfortable. I don't like confrontations because it makes things weird, I don't have those serious conversations about where a person is spiritually because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don't do the things God has for me because it might make me feel uncomfortable.

I remember reading a book for one of my bible classes at Olivet that talked about this very thing. The author said that we learn to truely live life when we face our emotions. When we face situations head on and let ourselves react with all our raw emotion, we finally experience life for how God intended it to be. He didn't create us to take the easy path and lead a comfortable life. He himself died on a cross...I don't think he took the easy way. He took the world head on and did what was right, even though his friends turned on him...and I'm sure hanging on the cross was a little uncomfortable.

I'm so scared about going to Africa because I don't know what to bring and I don't want to bring too much and be the spoiled American. They've led on that there won't be a lot for meals and our lodging won't be the best. Student Accounts at Olivet actually asked if we were going to be staying in tents because that was the cheapest they had ever seen lodging be for any school. I know I could take the comfortable way and bring as much stuff w/ me as possible and bring extra money to fill in gaps in the meals, but I honestly want to experience Africa for all that it is worth. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to feel hunger pains and know that I've had more to eat in a day than most Africans get in a week. I want to face life and quit avoiding the true emotions that are out there...not the watered down life that I have learned to live.

I will say that one thing I do dread facing head on is leaving my parents at the airport. I know my mom will be crying and I know I'll be trying so hard not to, but what would it hurt to give in? What if I had a good cry before I left and acted like a 5 year old and told my parents how much I love them and that I'll miss them so very much? What would it hurt? I'd just be facing the trueness of life...realizing that I have something here that is worth missing...a family that loves me for who I am.

Get Serious

So, I've kinda been putting off getting myself ready for Africa. I don't just mean like getting my shots and taking care of flight arrangements (which I am just now finishing up), but preparing myself spiritually. I mean from the beginning I've known this trip was of God because I NEVER would have decided to do this on my own. But after making those initial decisions I feel like I've kinda left everything else until the end of the summer. And I decided to fill my summer with as much as possible, so that I would be too tired to worry about the trip anyway. Now, though, the trip is only a month away and I keep having nightmares that I show up in Africa without any luggage (which, knowing my luck will happen anyway). So, this week I decided to stop filling my days up with useless junk and finally start focusing on what I'm going to need in all areas of my life when I go to Africa. I decided to read both "Blue Like Jazz" and "Velvet Elvis" after a lot of people were talking about them at a camp I went to. The author of "Blue Like Jazz" mentioned that he had read the book of James and I was just starting to do my devotions without a devotional book and felt James was as good a place as any to start. So, I open up to James in the Message and can't stop reading...and then in Chapter 4 I am hit...

"You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that 'he's a fiercely jealous lover.' And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find...So let God work his will in you...Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. GET SERIOUS, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

These verses hit me right in the face for a couple reasons. One, I feel so strongly about not cheating on the people I date or on the person I eventually marry, but isn't God so much more to me than they could ever be? It isn't okay for me to cheat on them, but I can cheat on God by giving my time, love, and attention to other things? I don't think so...that bothered me. Two, I've been having a hard time figuring out how to make God the number one guy in my life. And I love how this passage says that "his love is far better than anything else you'll find." That is awesome to know...when everyone else lets me down, God won't. And also, my friend Becca and I were discussing how we have this hole in our lives that we try and fill with other things, but it is meant for God, so we can never quite fill it. I thought that was really interesting because this whole summer I've tried to fill my hole with work, or guys, or even planning for Africa, when in all reality I feel empty because I'm not letting God be the center of all those things. And three, I want to be broken in Africa. I want to find myself at the end of my rope and have nothing to cling to except God. I'm ready to hit bottom. I want to come back and be a totally different person.

I don't think it was any accident that I heard about a book that made me change my perspective...and that book let me to read James...and James led me to rethink what I've been doing...and rethinking what I've been doing led me to get serious about living for God.