Breath of Heaven

This Christmas season has seemed so depressing. We don't have the money this year to get everyone an amazing present. There is no new baby to make this Christmas exciting. Danny and I are both working over Christmas. I just feel like I have out-grown Christmas. I have tried to focus on "the reason for the season," but it just seems like a story I have heard over and over again.

Today my Aunt Tina asked me if I would sing "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant at church on Sunday because we are going to be down visiting my mom and dad. I couldn't remember what the song was, so I downloaded it on itunes. As I began to listen I finally got what a grown-up Christmas means. I couldn't get through the song without crying. Here are the lyrics:

I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, you have come
And chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now

Chorus:
Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy

Breath of heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me 

I can finally understand Christmas as Mary must have seen it now that I am old enough to carry a child.  I can't imagine what it must have felt like to have this awesome gift from God, but have everyone else think you were pregnant out of wedlock. She had no idea what she was supposed to me doing, but she knew she was chosen and so she would continue. 

Sometimes I feel the same way. I know God has an awesome plan for my life, but I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. How many nights have I called out to Him to guide me and protect me on my way? The last verse really spoke to me. "Do you wonder as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place?" Would someone else be better for this God? After all the times I've messed up, you still want me? God knows what he's doing...

This song made me see that Christmas is something that is relevant to me today, not just some old story.