May The Words Of My Mouth...

"This is war and there is no neutral ground. If your not on my side you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse"

I have called myself a Christian for a long time, but declaring myself a Christian seems so cheesy sometimes. I feel like one minute I'm talking about God and the next I'm talking about someone behind their back. It just seems so fake and I'm so afraid that someone will look at me and say, "She's a Christian? Well, that's NOT what I want to be."

My problem is that I have seen the people who call themselves "Christians" and think they are better than everyone else. It's almost like they pull away from real life and live in a church people cult. I know that's not what I want to be...I want to be able to relate to people in the real world and show them Christ through me. So, I've almost went too far the opposite way and become one of this world. But, when I go to talk about God with the people I was just telling dirty jokes with it just feels wrong. God says that we must be hot or cold, but I think that I've been riding the fence for a while trying to figure out how to be hot without burning people on who Christ truely is. He wasn't someone who was scared to hang out with the sinners, but he didn't let their behavior determine who he was. They saw his life and heard his message and dropped everything to be like him. He did NOT see their sinning and drop his calling so that he would be liked.

Here lately I've really been trying to match the way I feel about God with the actions that I perform. If a dirty joke is being told, I walk away...I don't yell at the person and call them a sinner...I just walk away. I still catch myself doing things that I know are not of God. And right in the middle of my sentence or action I'll think, "Crap! Why in the world did I just do that." But those times are getting fewer and I'm just glad that I am in tune enough with what God has for me that I am at least catching myself now. God knows that my heart is for him and right now I can see him leaning over the fence, with his hand outstretched, calling me to his side.

I found this song on a new cd that I bought called "Sing Over Me." It's words are truely my prayer for my life...

May the words of my mouth and the thought of my heart bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus. And the deeds of the day and truth in my ways speak of You, speak of You, Jesus. For this is what I'm glad to do. It's time to live a life of love that pleases You. And I will give my all to You. Surrender everything I have and follow You. Lord, be my vision, Lord, be my guide. Be my hope, be my light and the way. And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth. Only YOu'll be first of my heart