Get Serious

So, I've kinda been putting off getting myself ready for Africa. I don't just mean like getting my shots and taking care of flight arrangements (which I am just now finishing up), but preparing myself spiritually. I mean from the beginning I've known this trip was of God because I NEVER would have decided to do this on my own. But after making those initial decisions I feel like I've kinda left everything else until the end of the summer. And I decided to fill my summer with as much as possible, so that I would be too tired to worry about the trip anyway. Now, though, the trip is only a month away and I keep having nightmares that I show up in Africa without any luggage (which, knowing my luck will happen anyway). So, this week I decided to stop filling my days up with useless junk and finally start focusing on what I'm going to need in all areas of my life when I go to Africa. I decided to read both "Blue Like Jazz" and "Velvet Elvis" after a lot of people were talking about them at a camp I went to. The author of "Blue Like Jazz" mentioned that he had read the book of James and I was just starting to do my devotions without a devotional book and felt James was as good a place as any to start. So, I open up to James in the Message and can't stop reading...and then in Chapter 4 I am hit...

"You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that 'he's a fiercely jealous lover.' And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find...So let God work his will in you...Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. GET SERIOUS, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

These verses hit me right in the face for a couple reasons. One, I feel so strongly about not cheating on the people I date or on the person I eventually marry, but isn't God so much more to me than they could ever be? It isn't okay for me to cheat on them, but I can cheat on God by giving my time, love, and attention to other things? I don't think so...that bothered me. Two, I've been having a hard time figuring out how to make God the number one guy in my life. And I love how this passage says that "his love is far better than anything else you'll find." That is awesome to know...when everyone else lets me down, God won't. And also, my friend Becca and I were discussing how we have this hole in our lives that we try and fill with other things, but it is meant for God, so we can never quite fill it. I thought that was really interesting because this whole summer I've tried to fill my hole with work, or guys, or even planning for Africa, when in all reality I feel empty because I'm not letting God be the center of all those things. And three, I want to be broken in Africa. I want to find myself at the end of my rope and have nothing to cling to except God. I'm ready to hit bottom. I want to come back and be a totally different person.

I don't think it was any accident that I heard about a book that made me change my perspective...and that book let me to read James...and James led me to rethink what I've been doing...and rethinking what I've been doing led me to get serious about living for God.